“Christmas… can be rather hard.
“Those friends and relatives that have ignored you all year suddenly crawl out of the woodwork and smile their way into your lives. They eat all your food, drink all your wine and eat all the caramels in your box of Quality Street!
“And what do you get in return? A pair of socks, a knitted jumper with mismatching arms or an out-of-date voucher for Marks & Spencer… brilliant.
“All you can do is sit there with a rictus grin plastered across your face as you glance up at the clock and wonder if the local D.I.Y shop is still open and whether they have a special on caskets…
“But this is not a message of gloom and despair… not at all! In fact, this is a message of hope. Embrace the spirit of the season. Get yourself down the pub for a pint or three, indulge yourself with that extra slice of cake and have a knees up with your loved ones.
“Carpe Diem, ladies and gentlemen! After all, you never know when it will be your last… Merry Christmas!”
Mr Snaggle & Mr Snuffle – Arbitrators to The Quick & The Dead (Est. 1275)